Just attempting to write something,anything to pass time. Got several thoughts buzzing about in my mind but dare i share them or speak them out loud? I feel torn between two places right now. Two ideals.
Have you ever met a soul mate? I thought i had once and really still believe it. Maybe not in this life but another we will meet again in more favourable circumstances.
What is a soul mate? Is it someone that makes you feel complete? Makes you feel at ease with yourself? The one person,chance meeting,who when sharing time with you, lifts you both together to become so much more than what you both were alone.When talking together a mutual respect,a non-sexual pleasure dome is entered into.I think i could lose myself in this person for ever. In dreams we meet in different times,less challenging circumstance and life evolves between us,free from constraint.
It is a terrible thing to desire what is out of reach.
With that in mind maybe a compromise is the best way forward.I mean sometimes to get what you want a relaxation of ideals is necessary. It is either that or go without and live an empty,hollow life.
So to my compromise.Is it such a compromise really? A fiery,brave,little cock sure thing.There is not such a mutual meeting of minds but the laughter flows freely.The possibility is there for something spectacular. Demanding and uncompromising but a real driving force. Willing to make decisions on a whim,at a moments' notice,god i love that! I feel this is someone who drinks deeply from the cup of life. A person with relish for anything thrown in her path. It is both intimidating and inspiring to be near her. A person,i would like to think,not so unlike myself. She definitely has 'STAY AWAY,DANGER' stamped all over but maybe that is the attraction? One thing is for certain,i saw her and saw a bit of myself looking back at me.

I feel like i am standing on a precipice looking over what lies beneath me. In the distance below I can see both paths ahead. There are more paths of course,it is these two that hold my interest and excite my mind. One is for the taking and the other is not given as a choice but never the less i can see it winding its way through a possible future. I cannot force through the obstructions as they are not mine,do i wait for time to erode them more and more? Life is fleeting when you look behind. Time catches you up and what was a laid back affair soon becomes a pressing issue. Sometimes desire is just exactly that and reality must be respected.

A breathe of fresh air has blown my way. I mean real air with real scent and definite impact. So far removed from this cyber junk that i have regained my sense of self. I forgot for a while what it was like to really interact with a someone. To react to a someone. To be acted upon and then let fly with the consequences. A strong little black coffee that sneaks into your bed and kicks you in the balls just as you were resting for a short while. A peroxide madam whose personal mantra is "you can always do better (well especially if it is my way!)",comes crashing in from touchdown and leaves a trail of affected lives all the way to departure.A fellow swan who shares the joys of personal achievements,realises the importance of hard physical graft yet enjoys the weakness of indulgence without pangs of overt guilt.......SOOOO Refreshing.
I did not feel that i was left to my self when drinking in the experiences of sight and smell and sound. Truly i felt that there was some similar condition of appreciation for what usually is passed by without a seconds hesitation.Maybe if i am lucky there will be a return to this state of bliss.....watch this space ;-)